These past few days have been rough. I've been pretty depressed. No one's paying any attention to me. I can't demand any respect because I don't have any respect for myself and I don't know how one goes about attaining it. I feel like a failure at everything. I feel sad, abandoned, hopeless....
It's been a long month, a really long month.
This month I've gained so much and lost so much. Now it seems like it wasn't worth it at all. I feel empty.
Life feels like such a rut. It's the same schedule everyday. It really sucks the life out of you. "Soul-crushing" as Fish from The Rocker would say.
A critic of a speech I read said it was "so cynical I could hardly listen to it."
But I love that speech, it describes me. I'm cynical. I don't want to be, I just am. After years of being outcasted by everyone, you just become that way. It's certainly no fun. I certainly don't like it, but it's the way I've become and I don't know how to change.
I feel like I'm losing the purpose of life. Our purpose is to love and serve the Lord, to love and serve others. No one seems to live that way though. It's shuffling from one class to the next. Driving to work. Picking kids up. Dinner. Sleep. Start all over again. It's all just something to get through, to see the next day. But we're not putting anything worth putting in, into our lives. There's no passion. We're all so wrapped up in our own little world, concerned with ourselves. We're losing our purpose. God, help us to find our purpose once more.
No comments:
Post a Comment