I haven't posted here in months...
I don't know what's been going on lately. I'm been transforming into something alright, but I don't think it's positive. I don't want to say it's negative, but...I just don't know.
I feel like I'm falling further and further from God every day. It's getting harder and harder to get an image of a God. I know He's there, I know that. And I don't ever want to let that truth go. But He doesn't seem close. But that's my own fault. I'm getting into a new sort of lifestyle, a new way to cope. I'm not learning how to overcome my problems, I'm always just finding another way to cover them up, to distract myself. I'm getting to know all sorts of people now, but I'm completely ruining my life while building up this new one. I'm getting involved in a virtual world with all virtual acquaintances. But when the power goes out, they're gone. I don't know their names or faces, so what good is it?
Somehow I'm busy lately. Too busy for praying. It seems like needless repetition, repeating words without any actual effort. But that's my own fault. I'm what needs fixing here. I'm questioning everything. I don't know what if anything I believe anymore. I'm falling into this free-thinking liberal modern culture. It really sucks you in. I can't really say if it's good or bad. I have to learn how to hold onto myself though, how to hold onto God wherever life takes me.
