Not sure

I haven't posted here in months...
I don't know what's been going on lately. I'm been transforming into something alright, but I don't think it's positive. I don't want to say it's negative, but...I just don't know.
I feel like I'm falling further and further from God every day. It's getting harder and harder to get an image of a God. I know He's there, I know that. And I don't ever want to let that truth go. But He doesn't seem close. But that's my own fault. I'm getting into a new sort of lifestyle, a new way to cope. I'm not learning how to overcome my problems, I'm always just finding another way to cover them up, to distract myself. I'm getting to know all sorts of people now, but I'm completely ruining my life while building up this new one. I'm getting involved in a virtual world with all virtual acquaintances. But when the power goes out, they're gone. I don't know their names or faces, so what good is it?
Somehow I'm busy lately. Too busy for praying. It seems like needless repetition, repeating words without any actual effort. But that's my own fault. I'm what needs fixing here. I'm questioning everything. I don't know what if anything I believe anymore. I'm falling into this free-thinking liberal modern culture. It really sucks you in. I can't really say if it's good or bad. I have to learn how to hold onto myself though, how to hold onto God wherever life takes me.

I AM A CHILD OF THE MOST HIGH GOD

The devil cannot defeat me!

People cannot disillusion me!

Weather cannot weary me!

Sickness cannot stop me!

Money cannot buy me!

Governments cannot silence me!

And hell cannot handle me!

I AM A CHILD OF THE MOST HIGH GOD!

-the Bible presented by United Bible Societies

http://www.myfatherschild.net/

What's going on?

These past few days have been rough. I've been pretty depressed. No one's paying any attention to me. I can't demand any respect because I don't have any respect for myself and I don't know how one goes about attaining it. I feel like a failure at everything. I feel sad, abandoned, hopeless....
It's been a long month, a really long month.
This month I've gained so much and lost so much. Now it seems like it wasn't worth it at all. I feel empty.
Life feels like such a rut. It's the same schedule everyday. It really sucks the life out of you. "Soul-crushing" as Fish from The Rocker would say.
A critic of a speech I read said it was "so cynical I could hardly listen to it."
But I love that speech, it describes me. I'm cynical. I don't want to be, I just am. After years of being outcasted by everyone, you just become that way. It's certainly no fun. I certainly don't like it, but it's the way I've become and I don't know how to change.
I feel like I'm losing the purpose of life. Our purpose is to love and serve the Lord, to love and serve others. No one seems to live that way though. It's shuffling from one class to the next. Driving to work. Picking kids up. Dinner. Sleep. Start all over again. It's all just something to get through, to see the next day. But we're not putting anything worth putting in, into our lives. There's no passion. We're all so wrapped up in our own little world, concerned with ourselves. We're losing our purpose. God, help us to find our purpose once more.